Stewardship plans for the upcoming year

I met with Father Nagy last week across the way at the New York Deli. We spent a little time talking about plans for stewardship in the Parish for the upcoming year. Here are a few of my suggestions.

• Require all parishioners to turn in copies of their 2004 tax returns. I will decide on each person's pledge based on their adjusted gross income. Everyone will at least tithe.



• The parish will assess the pledge for each family or individual based on the value of their automobiles, ala the Commonwealth's personal property tax. Our assessment will be 25% of the assessed value of the car.



• We will offer pews for "sale" in a similar manner to the old "pew tax." Pews in the back of the church will cost more than pews in the front of the church.



• We'll kick off the every-member-canvass with a big celebration reminiscent of a party in a fraternity house out of the imagination of a National Lampoon writer.



• Pledge amounts will be totally random. We will put the numbers 0 through 9 into a hat; we'll draw out four numbers: the numbers drawn will create the pledge amount. The first number drawn is the thousands, the second number is the hundreds, etc. The drawing will take place at the annual meeting; the highest pledge numbers drawn will also serve on the vestry.



• Pledge amounts will be the last four digits of your telephone number. That means my pledge would have been $6787; guess it's a good thing I got a new telephone number.



• Pledge amount will be the last four digits of your social security number.



• The parish will determine your pledge amount through a formula based on a "friendster" score multiplied by the number of years you've been a parishioner at Trinity.

And that's just the treasures portion of stewardship. Wait until we get to the talent and time portions.

If you think these ideas will not work, or if you have a better idea, it would be best if you join us in the Common Room next Tuesday, 26 April, at 7pm for a meeting of the always-reconstituted Stewardship Committee.